Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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