Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
