you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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