I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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