Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
