ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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