im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
