Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I did not marry a roomba.
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