Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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