Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
her vagine was all disorganized.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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