What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
