Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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