Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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