You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can't put those talents on a resume
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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