Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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