cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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