just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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