She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
