I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
