Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
