Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
