i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
someone owes me an orgasm
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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