Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
