I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
