He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
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THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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