There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
