I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
