ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Houston, we have a squirter
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
