When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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