Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
