i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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