I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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