Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
