After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
