it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
