Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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