What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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