Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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