Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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