I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
