Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
