So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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