I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
