That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Found your dick twin last night
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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