i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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