I think I won the penis lottery.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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