i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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