I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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