This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
