Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am puke
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
