God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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