I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
