it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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