Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
