the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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