I want to have your abortion
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
