he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
