I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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