Your mouth is God's brothel.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
