Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
