I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
