Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
