Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
