Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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