Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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