Already got asked if we're dating
I intend to get homeless drunk
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm sobbing to NWA
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
