I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
