we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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