New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
